The Toady One

So this week I decided to take a break from a badass moment in history to talk about something man made that I truly think is just badass in the nerdiest way possible. I am talking about Dwarf Fortress. Its a video game that’s been developed since 2002 by Tarn and Zach Adams in which you create a city of dwarves and must create a thriving kingdom in a procedurally generated fantasy world. Tarn does the programming but Zach helps him design it. Dwarf Fortress has gone on to inspire the creation of many games that have become classics such as Minecraft and Rimworld to name only two. We will get to why DF is truly an amazing piece of software in a second. First, lets talk about our friend Tarn.

Tarn Adams born April 17, 1978 is a mathematician and computer game designer from the good ol’ USA. Tarn received his doctorate in Mathematics from Stanford but eventually opted to pursue a career in game development with his brother, Zach. They made a few games before DF but nothing REALLY changed the industry quite like Dwarf fortress, which came later.

Now, I am writing this for one reason. I recently started playing Dwarf Fortress as I have heard a lot about it over the years. I figured “Hey, I have nothing better to do anyway with the virus and whatnot.” So I browsed the internet for a download link and swiftly installed the game. What happened in the next few hours really just made my jaw drop.

As you can see by the picture above, The UI is just nonexistent. The controls are user-hostile rather than user-friendly and its probably the least intuitive design I think I have ever seen. Period.

The game UI is all ASCI and it is tough to look at. What you see here is one of the maps of the world which shows different mountain ranges, plains. rivers, oceans, deserts, everything but what made me look past the terrible graphics is what is under the hood.

You see, this game doesn’t just create the same world for everyone that plays. It creates a brand new map every time with accurate simulations of how mountain ranges are formed. It creates rivers in the world that actually follow the same paths a real river would. It correctly simulates how gems and metals are formed underneath the earths crust and also creates weather fronts that are dynamic and act as they would in the real world as well.

What is amazing about this is that it does this every time you create a new world. It is never the same. The program creates a real world with real environments. Not only this, but it creates entire civilizations on this map as well that has heroes and peasants that all have unique feelings, wants, desires, distastes, and families with dynamic relations that change if one of them decides to wrong one of the others.

These civilizations also have relations with other cities and races and can have wars and rulers can be dethroned by other everyday individuals given the right circumstances. In fact, the whole world that was generated just for you creates its own history over hundreds of years that are also simulated before you even start the game. Entire empires can rise and fall before you even begin, Heroes and leaders live and die and have kids, and every single one these individual residents of this simulated worlds are affected by what happens around them.

Lets say an elf king was planning on starting a war with a human town. The elf king goes in, kills everyone, and ends any chance for those people to affect the world in any way because they are now dead and their town was conquered.Okay, now lets say he did not start the war and wanted to just go on living peacefully. Incidentally, this means that the humans in that little town will go on to live another day. So it is possible that now one of those human kids that were born in that town grow up to become a mercenary or farmer, or you name it, and has a whole entire life and ends up as a king himself. This is all possible due to how each of the characters (we are talking tens of thousands of simulated people here) create and choose their own destiny in this world.

I would love to write more about this as I have not touched many of the major things this game does but I hope you see what I am saying here. This is a simulation of an entire world. In real time it lives its life out as we do. I am dumbfounded by what this game really is every day I play it. (P.S. if you need to try a nice game out with all the free time you have this is the one)

Are ya ready kids?

Spongebob , although an animated character, has done more in his show’s existence than you or I have done in our whole lives. This sponge has been a fascination for people from all walks of life and continues to be a beloved TV star to this day.

I know, it may be weird to have a kids TV character as a “badass person” but hear me out. What this show has done for comedy and TV is unmatched. Every episode had a new and original theme. The show had original characters that had inter winding backgrounds and flamboyant personalities. The jokes made in this show were also first class. This character and his home laid the groundwork for the children shows to come.

Not only is he a household name, right up there with mickey mouse, he was the purest form of imbecile and dutiful friend. He lead a great example for us kids in the early 2000’s. He taught us what it really meant to be a friend and how to be compassionate for others. Sure, he was annoying and his laugh is enough to make your ears bleed but you can’t deny he was trying his best to be a good sponge.

Spongebob will always and I mean ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart. The animation, comedy, and just general vibe was never disappointing. Man, even the movies were a masterpiece. They got David Hasslehoff to surf across the ocean on his stomach like a boat and then shoot Spongebob and Patrick miles away using just his pecs. I cant remember the last time I was happy but I’m pretty sure it was that day. Spongebob is a badass no doubt.

Eat-up baby

Born in Lyon, France around 1772, Tarrare had a normal childhood. Tarrare had a very long grin that stretched across his face ear-to-ear. He was also very stocky and reportedly only weighed 100 pounds as a full grown adult. He had terribly stained teeth that appeared to be rotted and as he grew, so did his appetite. In fact, Tarrare didn’t have an appetite but rather an insatiable urge to keep eating. It’s reported that in his early years he could eat an entire horse the same weight as himself within 24 hours. He also had so much extra skin on his stomach that when he hasn’t eaten after a few hours he could stretch his loose stomach around his whole waist. However, after he finished eating the skin would balloon up into a massive gut

This monstrous hunger eventually lead him to being forced onto the streets by his parents who could no longer support his eating habits. This lead Tarrare to search for new ways to find food. He became a well-known street performer by challenging people on the street to satiate his hunger. Peasants would bring him barrels of apples and chunks of cows just to see this man eat it and not stop eating. The people were amazed and honestly it’s very surprising they didn’t think he was a demon or whatever but fascinating nonetheless.

After collapsing on stage while performing as an opener for a snake-oil salesman due to “intestinal blockage”, Tarrare found himself in the capable hands of a Dr. Pierre-François Percy, who ended up enlisting the strange Tarrare in the French Revolutionary Army.

Tarrare would do jobs for other soldiers in exchange for their rations. He even had double rations at this point and it still wasn’t enough as he decided to eat what trash he could find in the “dung-hill”.

The army eventually found a purpose for our man Tarrare. They tested him to see what limitations there were to what he could eat. They fed him snakes, cats, dogs, rabbits, owls, and an eel. All of those animals were alive when he ate them and drank their blood. They decided to feed him a wooden box that held a secret message inside of it. The idea was he would eat the box and go to an enemy prison in Germany were he would poop out the box and deliver the message to someone on the inside.

This may have been a good plan if perhaps Tarrare looked normal, wasn’t constantly eating, and if he spoke German. Unfortunately for him, he was discovered, beaten, tortured, and had a mock execution before being sent back to France. Tarrare returned to Dr. Percy’s care in the hospital where they fed him eggs and other supplements while he recovered. His story become less sympathetic when in a neighboring wing of the hospital a baby goes missing. Yes,you guessed it. Tarrare ate a LIVE baby. He ran from the law and disappeared into the city when they found out. Tarrare eventually died from late-stage Tuberculosis.

The Medical Mystery Of Tarrare, A Cannibalistic French Spy

Tarrare: The Man Who Ate EVERYTHING!

Heart-warming and badass compassion

In these times of uncertainty and anxiety the world is falling apart. Hundreds of thousands of people are sick with COVID-19 and even more are affected by the economical stipulations of it. Nurses and doctors are working day in and out to help the people that are afflicted. We all know by now that there isn’t enough toilet paper or paper towels left and, unfortunately, we have to buy the really expensive vegan brands of food to substitute for what we cannot normally get at the store. But most of all, there are nurses and doctors are working day in and out to help the people that are afflicted, that do not have enough masks for their own safety against the virus.

There is hope however. We have people making masks for the doctors by the thousands in their own free time and using their own resources. It has really been amazing to see so many people come together in these last few weeks. We have all seen the videos of people playing music for each other while being quarantined in their homes. (and if you haven’t: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBByYjjvNzs )

The times seem dark right now. Everyone is feeling the stress of not only what is happening, but also what is to come. It is important to remember that worse things have happened to our society and we will make it through this. Let’s all just hope people stop gathering in public for dumb reasons and go back inside.

This week is not about a specific person being badass. This week’s blog is for all the people who, even though they are worried about what will happen to them and their families, are doing their part for the better of strangers. THAT is badass.