Born around 1869 to a Siberian peasant family in mother Russia, Rasputin had a interesting life ahead of him. Not much is known about this tall creepy looking guy, but the little information we have only helps to illustrate the mystery of his life further.

Most likely not knowing how to read or write, given that this is Siberia in the 1860’s, many people of his home village claimed he possessed supernatural powers, while some claimed he was extremely cruel.

in 1903 Rapsutin was a wanderer. He eventually wandered into St. Petersburg, Russia with the reputation as a shaman or faith healer. A couple of years later, He crossed path with Czar Nicholas II of Russia and his wife. (In case you don’t know what a Czar is, it’s a Russian Emperor). Rasputin proved his “capabilities” to the Czar by curing his sick son of hemophilia. This act solidified his powers as a healer to the czar and his wife immediately.

This relationship with the Czar was poorly timed however as the politics at the time in Russia were approaching A civil war.Rasputin was always frustration to the Russian politicians and they would request the royalty to get rid of him. They believed he was toxic to the government and had no place being there anyway. However, the Czar and his wife refused.

Now this is why I’m writing this article. Rasputin may be a creepy dude from the arctic but how he was murdered is what is most badass. You see, he really must have had some supernatural power because he just. wouldn’t. die.

Its reported that a high ranking Russian at the time, Yusupov, invited Rasputin to his house for pastries and wine and to meet his “beautiful wife”. Little did our boy Rasputin know however, the food and drink was laced with enough cyanide to kill several men. It became apparent that Rasputin would need more than a ton of poison to do him. After eating multiple pastries, he was still laughing and talking with his hosts. Annoyed that the poison did not work, Yusupov whipped out a pistol and shot Rasputin in the back causing him to fall to the floor presumed dead. After seeing his dead body, Yusupov and his friends celebrated and went upstairs. Later in the evening, Yusupov checked on the body again. Still, no pulse and no sign of life and even shook Rasputin’s body.

Then, all of a sudden, Rasputins eyes shot open. Yusupov recollected the colors of his eyes when they opened and referred to them as “green eyes of a viper”. Rasputin attempted to escape. Yusopov and his co-conspirators chased Rasputin out into the yard, shooting him two more times and beating him with a rubber club. To ensure he didn’t rouse again, the men tied Rasputin in a blanket and dumped his body into the Neva River.

Now, Although Rasputin had a very interesting life and to only dwell on his unfortunate death does not due his story justice, we must not forget how damn badass he must’ve been to take so much and still live. It seemed to me as if he really was not supposed to die.

https://history.howstuffworks.com/history-vs-myth/rasputin2.htm

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/murder-rasputin-100-years-later-180961572/

He told you not to do it…

in 75 BCE, 25 year old Julius Caesar was sailing home on the Aegean sea to return to his newly acquired home his father left him upon his death. He sailed on a tiny ship to go to the new house when he was captured by a group Sicilian pirates.

The pirates took Caesar, 2 of his servants, and a friend of his to their ship as a prisoners and demanded a ransom of 20 talents (roughly $600,000). Rather than freak out and panic for his life, Caesar laughed in their faces. He demanded the pirates ask for 50 talents as 20 was too cheap and they obviously did not know who they had captured. Puzzled, the pirates demanded 50 talents instead. Caesar had his men go collect the silver talents for his freedom. It took them 38 days to get the money.

During his time in captivity with the pirates, Julius Caesar maintained an attitude of superiority. He seemed completely unshaken by the pirates and treated them like they were his subordinates. He spent most of his time with them writing poetry and speeches and then reciting them to the pirates who happened to enjoy the entertainment. Caesar also played games with the pirates and took part in their exercises. He generally acted like he was the captain of the ship and the pirates seemed to be okay with that. Caesar even went as far as to demand the pirates not talk too loudly when he slept as he did not want to be waken up. What a damn badass move that is let me tell ya.

After some time the pirates began to really like Caesar and gave him more freedom on the ship and their island. He was able to walk around as he pleased and seemed to live pretty comfortably with them all things considered. However, he was still a prisoner so they still had some restrictions on his freedom no matter how much they like him. Although he was friendly with the pirates he still hated being help captive. He promised the pirates that when he is freed he would find them and crucify them. The pirates laughed at him “yeah okay bro good luck with that lol”.

Once Caesar was freed He did what he said. He formed a band of 100 men and went looking for the island he was held captive on. The pirates did not take him seriously as when his men got to the island the pirates were still there. He captured all the pirates, took the 50 talents back, and took pretty much all their possessions and returned to Rome. He eventually ordered the pirates crucified as he had promised them.

Moral of the story: Caesar is one damn charismatic badass.

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/13089/when-julius-caesar-was-kidnapped-pirates-he-demanded-they-increase-his-ransom

https://www.livius.org/sources/content/plutarch/plutarchs-caesar/caesar-and-the-pirates/

Rags to Riches to Rags to Bad-ass

It is hard to discuss history in Europe without bringing up a few main players that shook the world. A few names that come to mind are: Genghis Khan, Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Britney Spears, and you guessed it, Napoleon I.

You could say he was a true bad-ass at any point in his life. He fought in the French Revolution, he defeated every major power in Europe at the time in many battles, I’m talking Prussia, England, Austria, Russia, and Poland just to name a few. He also created the Napoleonic code which was basically a constitution for the brand new revolutionary France (It is still used today by the French government), the French people loved him, he reestablished relations between France and the Pope, defeated and dissolved the 1,000 year old Holy Roman Empire, he even sold the Louisiana territory to the United States which without we would never be as powerful as we are now. Yes, you can thank good old Napoleon for selling us literally a third of the land the U.S. calls home today.

However, those events are not the reason why he is a bad-ass frog. The story we will be looking at is his return to France after exile. It is a long story filled with blood and battle and spicy emotions but to catch you up on what happened is Napoleon went on a victory spree in Europe. Army after army tried defeating him and he just kept winning. Mind you he wasn’t just fighting a major super power at the time, he was fighting 5 of them, and he just kept winning.

Unfortunately in 1814 it all came crashing down. The emperor Napoleon finally lost the war. England would have loved to simply just execute Napoleon but due to some basic rules of nobility at the time, they were unable to justify an execution. The rules back then were generally that aristocrats and peasants could be executed no problem, but executing nobility (especially Pope crowned emperors in Napoleon’s case) can be a nightmare politically for all involved. Even though Napoleon was technically an insurgent leader not from nobility but rather rose to the top through merit, it was still a grey area and they opted to just exile him. They chose the island of Elba off the coast of Italy.

This is where the story gets REALLY good. So Napoleon was living in this sweet dream of an island for about a year in 1815 under watch. Living on this island he was obviously unable to stir the pot which he loved so much in Europe. He also had to see his Empire dissolved and the throne given to some square name Louis XVIII who was royalty and not that great to the French people.

Not even a full year had passed by and Napoleon was already trying to escape the Island to go to France. He slipped passed his Austrian guards and British ships patrolling the water and managed to find a little boat to sail away in. He had escaped the island.

He made his way home on foot once he got to land and people on the countryside noticed him. They would get very excited and celebrate his return to France. He was a hero. The closer he got the more people would join and rally behind him. Peasants especially took a liking to Napoleon as he was a true son of the revolution. He managed to gather 1,000 peasants up in arms for his return to be ready to fight the royalist government currently holding the power.

He marched unopposed into France gathering more and more support from the people until he reached Grenoble. It is there his forces were stopped by the 5th regiment. This regiment was under the command of the new king at the time. Many of them, being veterans, knew who Napoleon was and most likely fought battles with him, but nonetheless they stood their ground.

So here we are, Napoleon’s peasant army standing still looking the Nobility-aligned French army dead in the eye within talking distance. Both forces just standing there waiting for something to happen. The situation must have been very tense. Then suddenly, The peasant army’s ranks opened up like a parting sea to reveal a 5’7″ man walking in between the two armies to the open space before them. It was Napoleon. He looked at the 5th regiment intensely, scanning the ranks confidently and stoically. After a deafening silence he then ripped open his coat and shouted to them “If there is any man among you who would kill his emperor, Here I stand!”. With that the 5th army threw their weapons to the ground and greeted Napoleon. They were just as happy as the peasant farmers were that he was back and they decided to join his cause and fight for him to be on the throne.

They went on to secure the throne for Napoleon without a shot ever being fired. Yes, you read that right, Napoleon was able to become the emperor again without a single person dying. When people heard of his return the whole empire celebrated and rejoiced. Louis XVIII was so nervous he just up and left the throne.

That is the most bad-ass thing I think I have ever heard of in my entire life. Reclaiming the most powerful seat in Europe just by being a man of the people. It is important to note one reason why they really loved him so much was that he wasn’t born into nobility like every other leader in Europe. He grew up in obscurity on a tiny island. He became so powerful by being charismatic and one of the greatest military leaders to date. What a bad-ass.

Sources:

https://www.sparknotes.com/biography/napoleon/section9/page/2/

history.hanover.edu

https://www.warhistoryonline.com/napoleon/100-days-napoleon-returns-exile-rallying-army-words-alone-m.html